(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
