Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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