i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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