If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We are two peas in an std pod
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize