Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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