My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
