so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
