He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
