If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
