UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
