You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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