I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
