I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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