Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize