just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
