It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
