First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
