Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
