I think my fart just growled at me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
