so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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