so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I could fuck to npr.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
