she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
