he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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