Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
