I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's official drugs can't kill me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i out mim tonsoeep
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