Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
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Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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