hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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