This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
