Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
