life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Randomize
