I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I party with great urgency now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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