The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
