Say something about gay babies.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
