You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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