her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Enjoy the penises
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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