Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
