I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
being pregnant is like rehab
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
