O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
