she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
