Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i came on her dog
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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