A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
