this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
