I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
