Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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