he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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