i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
