Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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