her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
