I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
