That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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