Just mADE A PArabola og urine
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
