Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
