Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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