Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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