i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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