Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
