wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
