I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.