god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all