suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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