Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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