You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize